Despite courtesy campaigns, S'poreans still behave poorly. When will we ever learn?

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June 21, 2006

As a Singaporean, I felt embarrassed to read Mr Bill Toppin's letter 'Need to address lack of common courtesy' (ST, June 19).

I don't know what it is but after 40 years of nation-building and rapid economic growth, we as a nation remain oblivious to the things that others consider as common courtesy.

Everyday we let instances of anti-social behaviour pass as if they are perfectly normal.

We are a highly educated country that sees nothing wrong with people barging into the trains and buses before the alighting commuters get off.

We are a society that proclaims to respect our elders because of our Asian values and yet fit and healthy young people slouch in their seats instead of giving them up to the old and frail.

It's not as if our nation lacks a basic understanding of what constitutes courtesy. We've had decades of courtesy campaigns that were designed to tell people how to behave decently.

Yet none of the campaigns seems to have worked because Singaporeans seem oblivious to courteous behaviour and we need the occasional foreigner to tell us about it.

Some may argue that Mr Toppin as a foreigner does not understand Singapore culture. This is a spurious argument. Surely Singaporeans should be mature enough to realise that tolerating anti-social behaviour benefits nobody.

If such behaviour is part of our culture, we should be intelligent enough to change it. Decent behaviour makes life more pleasant for everyone.

Perhaps we could have more campaigns but since these seemed to have failed, what else is there for us to do? One suggestion is to punish anti-social behaviour in the penal system.

Fines and public humiliation seem to be effective in keeping Singapore clean and it may be effective in making Singaporeans behave properly.

But wouldn't it be a sad day if Singaporeans act decently only with the threat of government sanctions?

Tang Li

Copyright: Singapore Press Holdings Ltd (C) 2006

More than a man, a father

Voices // Friday, June 16, 2006 Tang Li

PERHAPS it's because I am recently divorced, but I've taken pride in the fact that I'm the type of man no girl in her right mind would want anything to do with. Since the divorce, the idea of enforced fidelity seems a form of emasculation.
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The Ministry of Community, Youth and Sports would probably consider me the antithesis of what it is trying to promote in Singapore. I'm far removed from what you would call a good family man, and the desire to remain the happy "Urban Beach Bum" became even stronger when I reached the big three-zero.
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The more I saw my friends getting married, buying houses and starting families, the more determined I was not to do any of these. Whatever for?
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Now, I know a lot of men take pride in being providers to their women and families. Men have deluded themselves into associating their virility with a wife, children, big houses and swanky cars.
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Honestly! The whole "man as a provider" thing sounds like an incredible con job.
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After all, what they really do is take on responsibility for people who could be responsible for themselves. When you take on the role of provider, you set yourself up to be judged on the ability to offer others the things you don't need yourself. Now, that's just silly!
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Take my Dad, my natural father. Even though I never lived in the same household as the man, he's worked hard to provide me with an education and a variety of tools to survive in today's world, when he could have spent the energy on a good hi-fi and nice cars.
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I also never understood why my two stepfathers did what they did for me. Throughout my childhood and even today, both have provided me with the same love they've given their natural children.
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Me, I've been happy to do without the force that motivated these men. I've liked being without burdens.
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I wouldn't say I've changed my feelings about these things. Being single and childless is still fun.
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But I've realised that my father and stepfathers may not have been so silly after all. There is something quite wonderful about living your life for something more than yourself.
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Recently, I've been "playing Papa" to my friend's seven-year-old daughter. It's a role I've relished. I've found a life that is about more than just me and my dreams.
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I'm not about to wax lyrical about how I've been transformed by a child. I don't know how long her mother will want me involved in her life and I think I could be too used to singlehood to sacrifice it right now.
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However, doing "responsible" things such as taking the girl to the doctor or to school seem natural to me. Giving up my weekend snooze time to take mother and daughter to Sentosa is incredibly relaxing.
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Nothing matches the high I get when I meet mother and child after school (the mother is a Vietnamese language student), and the little girl breaks into a silly grin and dashes toward me.
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I've always been fond of babies. Carrying them, letting them drool all over me and cleaning their diapers is fun.
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But what makes all these things fun is the fact that none of the kids are mine! I like the hugs and cuddles, but I don't want the sleepless nights or worrying how I can guide a young life.
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But this time is different. I'm actually plagued with thoughts of how I can get even more involved in this little girl's life. I ask myself: "What can I do today that will make her life better?"
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I'm not scared by that thought.
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I don't care about the "demographics crisis," and Singapore being overrun by old folks. Not everyone is meant to get married and have children.
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People shouldn't do things simply because society expects them to. But I think I've finally understood why fathers do what they do.
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I think I've never been in a better position to tell my father and stepfathers to have a Happy Father's Day.
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This is contributed by a freelance writer.

Copyright: (C) MediaCorp Press Ltd: 2006