The Gorek and the Cojones

As someone once remarked, I have a history with strange women. Somehow, the relationship I've had tend to be good while they were hot and since most of them were with single mothers, I usually ended up liking the kid(s) far more than the mother. However, I've now done something completely against nature - I'm actually in a relationship with a woman whom I've never felt so happy with and her two-and-a-half -year old is also a gem in my life.

However, there is an area of this relationship that's what you could "complicated," for want of a polite term. A friend of mine who was highly interested in the lady in question is disgusted with me for not being open with him about my relationship. He's asked me never to speak to him again and he no longer wants anything to do with me. All I can say is that I never set out to hurt this friend. Things just happened and I will regret the loss of this friendship - the faults in handling this situation are mine and mine alone.

On her end, it looks like things could get even more complicated. Two of her friends were subjects of a previous blog entry, one in which I expressed an opinion on American Expatriates that one cannot call flattering. It seems that the gentlemen have taken offense and one of them and his girlfriend are particularly upset because they were hopping that my lady friend would be with the younger of the pair. In the words of one my friends - "They had hopes for her, hopped she'd get an American and then this Chinaman came along."

The couple have invited "US" to their place. I think they'll be checking me out and I need to assure them that I am throughly unsuitable. I've realized from my own experiences and prejudices that it's rather pointless trying to change preconceived notions. People get very unhappy when you try to change their opinions (which is a lousy admission to make from a PR Consultant), they appreciate you far more if you confirm that you are the lousy bastard that they alway thought you to be.

I on the other hand, will have to accept that they are her friends and I cannot entertain the notion of a long term relationship with her unless she has a social circle, independent of me. If I am serious, and for once in my life, I'm sure I am, I should encourage her to have them as friends, and I must make it a point of being civil - as it's often said, it's no skin of my back to make life happy for a woman who brings out the best in me.

What get's interesting though is the fact that they're going to ask a lawyer friend of their's to draft a legal document to prevent me from blogging about whatever conversation that we might have. This is actually amusing, particularly when you think that the main parties in this game are Americans - the very people who bleat on about the right to freedom of speech and freedom of expression. These are the people who proclaim themselves to the be saviours of the world and the bringers of liberty. When the Singapore Government sues an American Newspaper for slander, these are the very first people to scream - "Repression."

Suddenly there's a writer who writes something that upsets them and lo and behold, they're actually trying to impose a legal constraint and the best part is, these supposedly educated people don't have a legal leg to stand on. Do they actually expect me to take them seriously?

I admit to having an ego. It's a big one and I think it's gotten me into trouble before. Mine, like other egos gets bruised. But I've lived in the public sphere long enough to understand that if you cannot take criticism you have no business being in public's eye. Back in the day's when I was being published in the main stream press, I had people respond to what I wrote positively and those who disagreed with me. Now, my writing is confined to this blog and participation in the Online Citizen. Like I've said, if you disagree with what I write, you're welcome to comment. If you want to express your opinions but don't want to communicate with me directly - use a third party. My favourite litigator and reporter sometimes do that with me.

Debates are not always expressed in diplomatic language and when passions are aroused, things don't always appear civil - I got the reminder during the AWARE incident.

I also admit that there are times when it is necessary to sue for slander. If someone writes something about you that is not true and obviously damages your livelihood, you should jolly well fight back.

However, trying to use cheap intimidation techniques to prevent someone from expressing an opinion of you is another matter. To try and do something that is obviously so is worse. I like the Spanish term - It shows the lack of Cojones (balls). The only thing to do to people with no balls is to kick them there - they'll find their balls eventually.

The animosity of our respective friends towards us is actually quite funny. We even mentioned that our relationship has started thanks to all the people who don't want it to happen. We'll be sure to give them the Honoured seats at our wedding - now that's an interesting thought.